John of the Dead's Horror Flick Reviews

Director – Nathan Hynes, Chris Power

Cast – Anthony Alviano, Jean-Marc Fontaine, Paul Fowles, Shane Harbinson, Roger King, Kelly McIntosh

Release Year – 2007

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Long Pigs is a film that I only heard of recently despite it being released at film festivals and winning numerous awards since its debut in 2007. It could be that I just do not pay enough attention to “news” in the horror community (I’m more concerned with discovering older than newer horror flicks) or just that this low-budget effort did not receive love outside of the awards it won, and I think the latter is the case here. Shot the popularized documentary fashion, Long Pigs gives us a very realistic take on a brutal serial killer and leaves very little off camera, providing a pretty engaging and quite frightening experience that was better than I expected.

Two young “aspiring” filmmakers come across the ultimate documentary subject, 33 year old Anthony McAllister. What makes Anthony such an interesting subject to them? Anthony is a cannibal. He agrees to let them record his every move in documenting his violent lifestyle, which not only opens the filmmakers up to new philosophies of life but also the horrors that result from their desire for fame.

Despite them being a modern day fad I do have a personal love for pseudo-documentary horror films. I find them unique and something “different” for the time being, and if they are executed well enough then they allow the viewers to envelop themselves into the film and make for a very realistic experience. Long Pigs has to be one of the most realistic of horror mockumentaries, and while I place that more on direction than story, this storyline came well-written despite some faults. The flick takes off with the young filmmakers coming across Anthony and learning of his evil ways, and they quickly put their morals aside in hopes of making money off a documentary about this cannibal. Initially they are horrified at the acts that he commits, acts that they film with metaphorical “front row seats”, and despite the brutality of what they are viewing then can only think of the success they will find as a result of it. Eventually the film takes a turn where the filmmakers are becoming monsters themselves in their search for fame, and while they do not stoop to Anthony’s level of cannibalism they do exploit others negatively affected by Anthony’s actions, a despicable act that was portrayed very well in this piece. I could go more into detail, but this is one of those experiences viewed best with only enough information to know what it is about so I will leave you at that regarding the story.

The film’s directors did the biggest job in selling this film to the viewer, which despite an obviously low budget managed to provide some really good horror thanks to incredible practical FX. Early on in the film we witness Anthony carving up a prostitute he just killed, and the filmmakers filmed this section in a very full-frontal manner that honestly looked as real as could be. I will not say that this film is going after shock value because the scene was actually filmed in a very positive and effective manner, showing the subtle Anthony as the true monster he really is on the inside. The acting performances were also very engaging and did not come off as acting at all, another element of direction that surprised me given the film’s low budget and the filmmakers lack of filmmaking experience. There were times that I felt the film took a bit to long to bring the horror at times, and while this could lie in fault of the writing I do believe the directors could have done more to keep me engaged, but nonetheless this was an effective watch that I can appreciate and will not soon forget.

Overall, Long Pigs is not just a technical marvel, but a good horror film that makes for one of the better pseudo-documentary films I have seen. The horror is full-frontal and slow-burning at times, giving us an emotionally and visually haunting experience.

Rating: 8/10

Director – Adrian Picardi

Cast - Alexandra Mathews, William Catlett, Dave Williams, Daniel Duvet, Spencer Thomas, Meagan Marie, Sunny Jain

Release Year – 2011

Reviewed by John of the Dead

OK, I had no idea about this short fan-made film of the popular video game series, “Left 4 Dead”, until I randomly came across it while looking for horror shorts online, and despite only playing the video game a handful of times (I’m a PS3 guy) I absolutely loved this 9 minute piece and found it the most enjoyable 9 minutes of my entire weekend. I’m a sucker for zombie action, and while we get the expected L4D zombie carnage I was left in awe over how well executed this was, as well as the incredible inclusion of numerous video game shout-outs that made this already enjoyable piece all-the-more enjoyable.

While a zombie invasion takes place around them, a group of survivors find themselves in a world of hellish zombiegeddon when they try and move to a safer location…until some much-needed help arrives.

The story is short and sweet, with the first half of it following our three main characters as they decide it is time to make a run for a safer location, but of course find them outmatched by the hoards of zombies. Their small-arms weapons do enough to subdue the zombies at first, but when they become outnumbered it seems they are destined to become zombie meat, until a surprising hero arrives and gives them a fighting chance. The awesomeness does not stop there though, as several other prominent video game heroes begin showing up onscreen and helping the survivors fend off the zombie hoard, making for an incredible experience for fans of some very popular classic and modern day video game franchises. Obviously I do not wish to spoil the fun and let you know who exactly shows up to join forces with the survivors, but I’ll give you the opportunity to se it for yourself shortly.

Director Adrian Picardi did an amazing job with what was literally a shoe-string budget based on nothing, proving that they guy has what it takes to provide good action and get creative to make it happen. This is of course only a 9 minute film and I cannot say that he would find the same success with a full-length feature, BUT I would not be surprised if he did. There is a fair amount of CGI, which I expected given I’m sure it was much cheaper than live-action blood and gore, but the CGI did not detriment from the experience and the action felt real thanks to how well it mimicked the game. For once we actually see shooters reloading their guns, much like the video game and something not usually seen in movies, and much to my extreme pleasure the cameo characters came in full costume and were not cheap knockoffs but actually did what they do in their respective video games…KICK ASS.

Overall, Left 4 Dead: The Movie is an incredible 9 minute experience that will not only please fans of the video games referenced in the piece but should provide an enjoyable ride even to those who have no clue what is going on…so long as you love some zombie action.

Rating: 8/10

Director – Alexandre Bustillo, Julien Maury

Cast – Chloé Coulloud, Felix Moati, Jérémy Kapone, Catherine Jacob, Marie-Claude Pietragalla, Chloé Marcq, Béatrice Dalle, Loïc Berthezene

Release Year – 2011

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Boy was I looking forward to this. Livid is the first film from French filmmakers Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury, the two behind one of my favorite horror films of all time, Inside. When I first read on this film I was immediately stoked and could not wait impatiently enough for my chance to view this piece and see if they still had “it” after Inside, and sure enough they still do. While this is a much tamer experience than what we were given with Inside, Livid still manages to provide great horror in very spooky fashion, also providing me with an original story that I never saw coming.

Lucy, a trainee in-house caregiver, arrives at the Jessel mansion for her first day of work attending to the old Mrs. Jessel, a former dance instructor now suffering a cerebral coma. During her first day of work Lucy learns that Mrs. Jessel has a large treasure hidden somewhere within the home, and after telling a few of her friends they break into the mansion late that night in search the riches sure to give them a better life. Their search of the peculiar and creepy home yields no results at first, but soon they find the treasure buried deep within the home, and the supernatural terrors that come with it.

Inside shocked the horror community as it turned heads by giving us possibly the best female slasher of all time, and I did not want to believe the film was a fluke or a stroke of luck for the Bustillo/Maury filmmaking duo. Livid proved that these two filmmakers do have the talent required to make it in this genre and leave their impression, and that only leaves me already anticipating their next effort, and I cannot wait long enough.

Livid takes off slow, introducing us to the young Lucie who is tasked with the seemingly easy but daunting responsibility of caring for a very elderly old woman, and a scary-looking one at that. Lucie will be her primary caregiver, a job that will leave her alone with the old woman in the very old creepy house, and you can see the nervousness on Lucie’s face when she realizes just how hard this job is going to be. The innocent Lucie would obviously never resort to crime as a way to make money, but when her loser boyfriend and his equally ratty friend take notice to her mentioning the old lady’s hidden treasure, she is forced to tag along and aid the thieves in making their way into the old home. Upon entering the home we are given some good creepy chills just from the atmosphere alone, and soon enough the horror kicks in when they learn the old lady is not as comatose as they expected, and has dire intentions for the trespassers. You get the feeling that maybe Lucie was set up in her finding out about the woman’s treasure, and as the story progresses there are numerous revelations made regarding why Lucie was chosen to work the mansion in the first place. I really do not want to go into strict detail so that I can avoid spoilers, but I will say that the supernatural presence in the film is incredible and had me on the edge of my seat at times. I must commend Bustillo and Maury for writing such an excellent piece that also had me guessing as to where the film would head next, and just when I thought I had figured out what was really going on in the home I was bombarded by more supernatural forces and characters, as well as the gory eliminations of other characters. This story is flooded with spooks, mystery, sadness, and redemption, making for a damn good and well-paced storyline that I never lost interest in and left me with a unique experience I will not forget.

Naturally, it only takes decent direction to sell a good story, but our directors manage to give us excellent direction that matches the positives the story provided. The atmosphere and sets used are incredible and provide supreme potential for good scares, and good scares too commence in awesome fashion as a result of this. Their execution of the horror was phenomenal and was shot in a very engaging fashion that elevated the likelihood of good scares. The look of the supernatural antagonists was incredible and outright scary to say the least. Do you remember how scary the witch was in Insidious? Well Livid‘s antagonists are just as scary and outnumber the witch greatly. I was surprised to see as much gore as I did in this piece, especially with it being a supernatural feast and not a slasher like their previous effort, but I welcomed the gore with open arms and found that it did not detriment the film in any way but enhanced it like gore tends to do. One thing I did not expect was the fantasy element of this piece, which was prevalent in flashback sequences as well as the final sequence, and while I did not prefer it I did find it unique and interesting for a horror film of this day and age, rounding out one of the better horror films of 2011(France)/2012(US).

Overall, Livid is a very effective and utterly creepy film from the duo that gave us Inside that once again gives us one of the best horror films of the year and of recent day. The storyline is highly effective and also provides many unique qualities not often employed in the horror genre, and while it keeps you guessing it also keeps you on the edge of your seat with expertly executed scares of the supernatural realm. Highly recommended.

Rating: 7/10

Director – Drew Goddard

Cast – Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Brian White, Amy Acker, Sigourney Weaver

Release Year – 2012

Reviewed by John of the Dead

When I first heard someone mention The Cabin in the Woods a few months ago I thought to myself, “Cool, another slasher film. I’ll check it.”, completely oblivious to just  how awesome this experience would be.  After viewing a trailer for this piece I saw that this would be much more than the usual slasher experience, but despite the trailer and hearing of praise from the critics (surprising for a horror film) I still was not prepared for what this piece had to offer.  With a supreme storyline unlike any other I have ever seen in the genre and excellent direction from a first-timer with little horror experience in other ventures, The Cabin in the Woods makes for a truly memorable and highly enjoyable experience that results in one of the best horror films I have seen in years.

Five friends embark for a weekend trip at a family member’s newly purchased cabin deep in a secluded, wooded area.  What they expected to be a weekend of fun and boozing soon turns to terror when they find themselves bombarded by unforeseen and unspeakable horrors, leading them to discover the apocalyptic truth behind the cabin in the woods.

First and foremost, because I am posting this review on release day for the film I will do my best not to expose any spoilers or plot twists.  This may force me to not go into great detail over the positives the plot offers, but trust me, you are going to thank me.

Don’t you love with you think you know a story, but instead it kicks you in the face and gives you more than you expected?  Writers Joss Whedon(writer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alien: Resurrection, Toy Story) and Drew Goddard(writer: Cloverfield, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Lost”, “Alias”) did a fantastic job writing this story, which plays off of the usual slasher-esque film involving a group of naive friends venturing off into elements outside of their comfort zone in search of a good time, only to be hacked to bits by a crazed madman.  It is obvious from the get-go that something “behind the scenes” will be going on with this slasher storyline, and I found this “behind the scenes” element to be a highly engaging factor that made this a very unique and creative storyline in a genre where creativity has been long gone.  The slasher element is not abandoned though, as Whedon and Goddard poke fun at most of the horror/slasher cliches in the book, and they do so with justification in why the cliches were used.  How did they do it?  By being brilliant, that is how.

There are have been numerous films in the genre that have employed a creepy cabin in the woods, with the most famous of them being The Evil Dead, and it was Raimi’s horror classic that lead to how our protagonists introduced the horror that plagued them.  After discovering an old dairy in the cellar of the cabin, they unknowingly unleash a horror that I never saw coming but dearly welcomed due to the brutality they brought with them.  Keep in mind that the horror going on as a result of the diary is horror that is resulting from the behind the scenes element mentioned earlier, which ultimately erupts into possibly the most horror I have seen in a film in ages.  Once the horror gets going it never relents, giving us one element of horror after another until this piece results in what I claim to be the Sucker Punch of horror films in that it literally throws EVERYTHING at us regarding the genre.  I never once thought that filmmakers could give us a horror film that blended so many different antagonists, but this writing duo did the unthinkable and threw the book at us AND finished with great results.  The kills are fantastic and come with high intensity and in surprising fashion, and for a horror film I was very impressed with the usage of our characters.  They all provided well for the story, although some less/more than others, but the five of them managed to keep me engaged throughout thanks to the awesome character play between everyone.  What I was not expected regarding our characters was the humor they provided, which came mostly from one of the protagonists and a select few other characters.  I honestly found myself laughing out loud on numerous occasions, and that occurred not only as a result of some funny dialogue but some kills that were so incredible I had to laugh out my excitement.

During the first two acts I was sold on this being a solid piece, but after the third act I realized that I had just seen one of the most enjoyable horror experiences of all time.  I really wish I could give more away on the story, but this is one story that is best viewed in theaters and not read about.

Co-writer Drew Goddard also serves as the film’s director, and also one of the film’s many surprises due to this being his first directing effort, and a damn good one at that.  From the beginning his execution makes it obvious that this is going to be a fun film that we should not take seriously, but by the end of the film you realize that despite the quirkiness and loads of humor this was a very serious and truly horrific masterpiece.  The acting performances were good, especially from Fran Kranz as Marty, the character most responsible for the film’s comic relief, but all of the actors contributed well for their roles and sold their parts positively.  Of course, the actors and their performances pale in comparison to my expectation of horror in these films, and the horror provided by Goddard’s direction was about as incredible as it gets.  His execution of every antagonist was supreme and he provided loads of gore to go along with the insane kill sequences.  The kills were executed so well that I actually jumped in my seat a few times, and I did not feel that these were cheap jump-scares but in fact scares that were just too shocking to stay still and sip my slushee without interruption.  While his execution of the entire film was great, he really sold the film to the viewer with the third act, which consisted of so many antagonists, gore, and kills that I really did not know what to do with myself, which left me in awe at how a first-timer with little horror experience (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” does not count) could have succeeded so well in the genre, but I have a good feeling that this guy has harnessed this talent for way too long and we got the talent explosion he has been dying to release (ugh, that sounds so wrong but I am not going to rephrase).

Overall, The Cabin in the Woods is one of the most enjoyable horror films I have ever seen and one of the best I have seen in the last few years.  This piece gave me everything I want to see in a horror film, but did not stop there and gave me more than I expected, MUCH more.  The horror is fantastic and consists of numerous shout-outs to pretty much every horror sub-genre there is, and with loads of gore and excellent execution this is a highly recommended piece that I suggest you check out as soon as you can.

Rating: 9/10

Director – Hideo Nakata

Cast – Hitomi Kuroki, Rio Kanno, Mirei Oguchi, Asami Mizukawa, Fumiyo Kohinata, Fu Tokui, Isao Yatsu, Shigemitsu Ogi

Release Year – 2002

Reviewed by John of the Dead

I was first exposed to the Dark Water scene when I viewed its American remake back in 2005, and while I do not remember if I really liked the film or not I knew that the original effort had garnered much praise from horror fans and has been deemed one of the absolute best Japanese horror films of all time. I cannot say that I agree about this being one of Japan’s best in regards to horror, but it really is a good film with a great story from Ringu director Hideo Nakata. Dark Water joins another 2002 effort, Ju-on: The Grudge, as two Asian horror pieces that helped in bringing Asian horror to the western part of the world, which inadvertently resulted in the American fad of remaking good Asian horror. Personally I did not enjoy this effort as much as I wanted to, but I blame that mostly on my personal preferences, and in the end I will say that Dark Water is a darn good horror effort worth a viewing for die hard Japanese horror fans.

While suffering the stresses of the custody battle for her 6 year old daughter, Yoshimi moves her and her daughter to an old but cost-efficient apartment. Things go well for Yoshimi at first, but soon the apartment begins to fall apart when a running water leak permeates her roof. The apartment is not only suffering physical damage though, and Yoshimi soon learns that the water results from a haunting past associated with the apartment.

Of course this being an Asian film there has to be some sort of vengeful ghost element right? Well, yeah, but this adaptation Koji Suzuki’s novel does not give us the typical angry ghost that some love and many love to loathe. I really enjoy storylines where someone moves into a new home and then suffers the effects of prior bad acts that occurred there, and obviously Dark Water falls into that category. There is a bit of development that takes place at first, exposing the viewer to Yoshimi’s legal struggle with her former husband who now all of a sudden wishes to have custody of the daughter he rarely saw or paid attention to, and combined with Yoshimi’s former mental issues this proves to be a volatile time for her mental state. Of course, things only worsen when her apartment begins exhibiting odd and ever-growing water stains, and her lowlife landlord doing nothing to fix the issue only further aggravates the single mother. Eventually the story moves on to the supernatural element, which involves the story of a young girl who used to live in the apartment, a young girl who leaves her belongings in the home and occasionally makes her visible presence known to Yoshimi and the viewer. Once the supernatural element kicks in we are provided with a few decent scares, but I never once found myself scared or freaked and that is one of the reasons why I did not enjoy this film as much as I expected to. In all fairness I did not see this film as one that purposely aimed to scare the hell out of you like Ringu and One Missed Call, but nonetheless I expected at least a few good jolts but nothing sufficed. Because of the type of story this is and the heavy drama provided, the story does move pretty slow and may turn off some viewers looking for a good time. Paring a slow story with a lack of scares is never a good thing, but in the end the story managed to be a good one overall, but obviously one that will take much patience.

Director Hideo Nakata did a fairly good job executing this piece, giving us his usually great atmosphere heavy in gloom and dread. The apartment location was great and played very well into the spooky atmosphere, and his execution of what little horror was provided managed to be worthwhile in the end. I mentioned earlier that there are very few scares, and while the “scare” scenes were not very scary at all I really do not blame Nakata for this but more the screenplay which called for scenes that were simply not very scary. Of course, he is not one to fail on the scare mark and managed to provide one good scare at the end (hallway scene) that I found to be the best highlight the film had to offer.

Overall, Dark Water is one of the better Asian horror movies out there thanks to great atmosphere and a slow-burning story that provides good elements of horror in a package not meant to scare you outrightly. While this is not a personal favorite of mine as I found it slow and a bit boring, this is nonetheless a great effort from one of Asian horror’s brightest minds.

Rating: 7/10

Director – Dick Maas

Cast – Huub Stapel, Egbert Jan Weeber, Madelief Blanken, Caro Lenssen, Kees Boot, Escha Tanihatu

Release Year – 2010

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Debuting in their home countries at roughly the same time, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale and Saint both gave us something we rarely see in the horror genre, a killer Santa Clause / St. Nicholas. Rare Exports stole the scene and praise of horror reviewers (including myself), and while Saint seemingly fell under the radar it is far from a bad effort. Never taking itself seriously and instead focusing on delivering a zany blood-fueled mess, Saint provided enough of the goods to make for a flawed but still enjoyable watch so long as you can forgive a little.

The St. Nicholas you learned of as a child is far from the St. Nicholas in this story, a bishop who slaughters children when there is a full moon on December 5th. Several decades after his last gory venture, St. Nicholas is back to slay the young and must be stopped by the only person aware that the legend is true, a child who survived and is now a seasoned police officer.

Saint takes off right away and throws us into the carnage resulting from St. Nicholas and his goons slashing away at the children of a small village, unknowingly leaving a single survivor, a young boy. Fast forward to present day Amsterdam and the young boy is now a police officer on the edge of retirement, however trembling in fear in anticipation of December 5th and its predicted full moon, the first time the occurrence will happen since the traumatic event he suffered as a youngster. Sadly there was no real proof to show that it was St. Nicholas who killed all of the children in the small village, so obviously no one believes the police officer, but eventually they learn he has been speaking the truth all along when St. Nicholas makes his way into town. We watch Nicholas and his thugs slay all who cross his path, both young and old, in retaliation for being burned alive by the villagers decades ago. There are two sub-plots essentially, the one involving the officer and another involving a young man thrown into the mess when his friends are hacked up in front of him. Both of the sub-plots worked well and managed to keep me engaged, however the biggest selling point of the story is St. Nicholas and all of the people he killed. This really is a simple tale consisting of St. Nick tearing people up and eventually being pursued by the authorities, and if you are in this for some fun gory kills then that should be enough for you.

Writer Dick Maas (if you remotely know Spanish you may laugh at his name like I did) also serves as the film’s director, and while his direction was so-so at time it was good enough in the end. Most importantly, his direction of the horror was great, giving us awesome kills via live-action FX and shot in hilarious fashion at that. There were times when CGI was used, and it was a bit laughable I admit, but in all fairness the scenes included shots that would have been very hard to recreate with live-action FX, so I was forgiving on that. As with many Dutch/Netherlands films the scenery is great and the cinematography is fantastic, which along with the gore made for the biggest selling points regarding Maas’ direction as everything else, positive acting performances included, took a backseat to the horror.

Overall, Saint is a fun killer-Santa effort that delivers good gore and loads of fun thanks to Maas’ heavy reliance on the horror to sell his film. The story is incredibly simple and does not offer much aside from the Santa killings, but in the end I fell Dick Maas achieved what he set out to do.

Rating: 6/10

Director – Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green, Joe Lynch

Cast – Adam Rifkin, Sara Much, Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Sean Paul Lockhart, Anton Troy, Gabby West, Adam Robitel, Thomas Colby, Joel David Moore, Kristina Klebe, Kane Hodder, Florian Klein, Matthew Temple, Laura Ortiz, Jim Ward, Silvia Moore, Melinda Y. Cohen, Richard Riehle, Corey Jones, Kaili Thorne, Brendan McReary, Ward Roberts, AJ Bowen, Sunny Lane

Release Year – 2011

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Horror anthologies are nothing new to the genre, and my love for them has left me unsatisfied at the numerous anthologies of recent day that just downright suck. Thankfully, recent horror veteran Adam Green gathered a few other horror buds and gave us one of the most fun horror films of the year in Chillerama. While pretty much every other major horror reviewer has bashed this piece I still went in hoping for a good time despite everything I had read, and I applaud Adam Green & co. for giving me a much better experience than I expected. Full of laughs, gore, and zany horror that left me laughing aloud on numerous occasions, Chillerama is a damn fun film that has received ridiculous criticism for simply giving us horror fans what we want to see.

On the closing night of the last drive-in theater in America, theater owner Cecil B. Kaufman puts forth the greatest drive-in experience of all time: a marathon of four lost prints spanning fourth decades of horror that have never before been shown to the public. As his faithful cinephiles show up en masse the films deliver the goods on the silver screen, however this will not only be the final night for the theater but for all of its moviegoers as well.

One reason why I love horror anthologies so much is that the good ones usually provide great shout-outs for horror fans to enjoy. Creepshow did it, paying homage to horror comics of the 50s and 60s, and Adam Green’s Chillerama does the same for the drive-in horror schlock-fests that used to adorn our country. One sweet thing about this piece is that each segment comes written and directed by a different person, all of whom have had something to do with the horror genre in the past. The prologue begins with a group of friends catching their last set of flicks at Kaufman’s theater, which unbeknowing to them will be serving popcorn with an additive “ingredient” supplied by a theater-worker(Ray Wise) after suffering an unfortunate accident. I really enjoyed how heavily used the prologue was, coming in for a few minutes at a time after every film shown on screen and then fully developing into a storyline of its own to close out Chillerama in epic fashion.

The first showing is “Wadzilla”, which comes from Detroit Rock City director Adam Rifkin and centers on a dorky and recently single man named Miles Munson. Miles has a problem; a recent trip to a sperm bank exposed him to the fact that he not only has a low sperm count but…he only has ONE sperm. His urologist suggests he be a test subject for a new drug not yet submitted for FDA approval that will not increase his sperm count but instead increase the strength of the sperm he has. The lonely Miles bites and takes the doctor’s offer, unknowingly setting himself up to deliver one massive “load” he never saw coming.

If you don’t get it by now, the drug Miles takes forces his one sperm to ejaculate itself from his body and grow up to gargantuan size and take over New York City. Yeah, Chillerama is about as tongue-in-cheek as it gets. This was a great way to start off the segments and throw us into the zany atmosphere that these four directors would provide, plus who has really seen a film where a giant sperm devours damn Yankees and copulates with the Statue of Liberty? Rifkin’s story is fun and his direction makes it even more fun by never taking itself seriously and giving us some laughable FX that I found tasteful despite the obvious absence of technology. This entry is tied for the worst of the film, however that does not matter much given none of the entries were unenjoyable.

Next Up: Tim Sullivan(2001 Maniacs)’s “I Was A Teenage Werebear”. This is the brightest entry in the film, a pseudo-musical about a young high school jock who suffers a bite from a wrestling classmate that turns him into a teenage werebear. Lots of crazy antics ensue as he uses his powers to fight against the clan of werebears that “turned” him and crash a high school dance to deliver pain and gore, which results in some nice anal trauma that I never saw coming but should have expected given the nature of this film. This entry ties with “Wadzilla” for me as one of the lesser entries, maybe because I do not like musicals, but Tim Sullivan managed to make this a fun and enjoyable piece with lots of laugh out scenes that I really dug.

The third entry is my favorite of the four: “The Diary of Anne Frankenstein”. Written and directed by Adam Green (Hatchet, Hatchet II, Frozen, Spiral) and starring Green favorites Joel Moore as Adolf Hitler and Kane Hodder(Friday the 13th Part 7/8/9/X, Hatchet I/II) as the monster, this is one very enjoyable piece shown in black and white as well as in the German language – well, sort of in the German language. Lots of laughs ensue due to Green’s very funny screenplay that employs Hitler fumbling German on numerous occassions as I heard the words “Boba Fet”, “Oshcoskbgosh” and “Salacius Crumb” during the film, which also came with a few good laughs provided by his usage of the other characters as well. Kane Hodder was great as usual as the brooding monster, a Jewish monster who employs a menorah and dradle as his weapons of death when things become awry.

The last entry is “Deathication”, which plays on the term “defication” giving it consists entirely of people taking explosive shits. This segment is almost a joke and plays directly into the prologue, which then itself becomes one of the segments titled “Zom B Movie”. This entry is tied with the previous one as my favorite, taking its course throughout the film then finishing the experience with a final act consisting of non-stop sex-crazed zombie action. The gore is heavy, the laughs are heavy, and the cheese reigns supreme as writer/director Joe Lynch gives us the most exciting entry in the film and the one consisting of the most overall carnage. It was only fitting to end this drive-in homage synonymously with the collapse of Kaufman’s drive-in, making for one of the most enjoyable horror films I have seen this year.

Overall, Chillerama is an awesome horror experience that gives us numerous elements of horror in four well-told and well-directed segments. Who cares what the other critics are saying, there are so many laugh-out-loud sequences and lots of gory goodness to adorn the screen, and complimented with lots of taboo antics (sperm, anal trauma, etc) that this is one experience I recommend to all horror fans who enjoy good cheese.

Rating: 8/10

Director – Franck Richard

Cast – Émilie Dequenne, Benjamin Biolay, Yolande Moreau, Philippe Nahon, Georges Lini, Philippe Résimont, Brice Fournier

Release Year – 2010

Reviewed by John of the Dead

I read about The Pack a few months back and was immediately intrigued after reading its storyline and it being a French given France’s insane ability to deliver good horror in creative and well-shot fashion these days. From start to finish I was enamored by what The Pack had to offer, and despite some faults found it to be an enjoyable and somewhat guilty pleasure of mine after reading many negative reviews on this piece.

While traveling a lonely road to nowhere Charlotte(Emile Dequenne; Brotherhood of the Wolf) picks up Max, a hitchhiker, and they stop at a truck stop for a bite to eat. Soon after arriving Max disappears, leading the worried Charlotte to search in vain for him, only to realize that she has fallen into a trap involving immortal blood-lusting ghouls.

The plot is as simple as it gets, and I never look down on plots that give me a simple and well-executed story. Things start off a bit slow, with character development and play going on between Charlotte and Max at first, then followed by Charlotte’s search for the first guy in a long time to treat her well and not be a prick (although her “type” is what pricks prefer). Soon after that Charlotte’s search for Max brings her face to face with a sect of people planning to use her for some sort of pagan ritual, and that is when the story starts to get good. It did not take long for all of this to happen, occurring during roughly the first 25 minutes of screen time. The next 20 minutes or so develop quite slow, focusing on Charlotte and her desperate search to free herself from her captors, but once the 45 minute “halfway” mark kicks in things REALLY get good with the introduction of our star players. During a late-night ritual we are introduced to a group of dead miners rising from the earth to feed on those who have been captured by Charlotte’s captors. The miners were very much like the “living dead” of long ago, slow moving and suffering an insatiable thirst for human flesh. However, in this case the miners cannot be killed with a shot to the head. Eventually we learn most of the reasoning behind what is going on with the miners, and while it was mostly predictable and not very creative the writing execution was good and kept me engaged even during the film’s many slow and dialogue-less sequences during the first half of the story.

Writer Franck Richard also serves as the film’s director, and I felt that he shined with The Pack, his debut film. From the get-go we are thrown into his dark and gloomy atmosphere, with was complimented by equally gloomy sets and locations that provided a heavy sense of dread in anticipation over the horror that would eventually kick in. Once things do get going his horror is incredible, giving us some very creepy dead miners that looked more like ghoulish creatures suffering the “zombie walk”, which only made them creepier. His execution of the actors involved was good, and while none of them stood out they each held their own weight and did not detriment from the film. In addition to the live-action FX used with the miners we are also given some good gore as well, which sometimes came in hilariously awesome fashion and others in horrific fashion, all of which I found very much enjoyable in this underrated (at the moment) piece.

Overall, The Pack is an enjoyable creature fest sure to please fans of such films. The story is an interesting one that should keep you engaged if you give it the chance, and despite some slow points it managed to give us plenty of horror as well. The direction is good and complimented the horror written into the film with some very creepy antagonists and good gore, making for a film that is far from spectacular but nonetheless one that I really enjoyed despite its faults.

Rating: 7/10

Director - Carl Tibbetts

Cast – Cillian Murphy, Jamie Bell, Thandie Newton, Jimmy Yuill

Release Year – 2011

Reviewed by John of the Dead

This is one of the few films I was really excited to see as of late, which is mostly due to its plot but also the fact that is stars one of my favorite actors, Cillian Murphy(28 Days Later, Red Eye, Sunshine). For some reason after reading on this piece I thought of Christopher Smiths’ 2010 epic Triangle, and while the films were not so similar after all the look and feel felt the same – a positive given both ended up with good results. While Retreat was not as horror as I expected it to be it is a solid horror/thriller with an engaging story that keeps us guessing until its satisfying and unnerving climax.

While trying to escape and move on from a personal tragedy Kate(Newton) and Martin(Murphy) find themselves trapped on an isolated island retreat. Panic slowly begins to kick in, but their problems worsen when a stranger washes ashore with a bold story of how a deadly plague is spreading throughout Europe and heading their direction.

People stranded on an island and a deadly plague on it’s way? This storyline had me hooked from the get-go due to these engaging elements, and I am glad that the story did not disappoint. At first the film plays off like a drama, with Kate and Martin’s personal troubles eventually coming to light as the reason behind their trip to the island. Kate is obviously still traumatized over the event and highly unlikable, and we watch as Martin does what he can to ease her woes and aid them in moving on, but his efforts are useless at this point. Of course, none of these things matter when a bloodied soldier shows up near their cabin and eventually “comes to” screaming about how a plague with a 100% kill rate is ravaging Europe and heading to the island. He boards up their cabin at their behest, as neither Kate nor Martin knows if this soldier, Jack(Bell), is telling the truth or up to something sinister. In addition to this their communication services are down, and at this point Jack has taken over the situation and they are staying put in the cabin whether they like it or not. There is plenty of conflict to go around, and it comes in several different forms. Kate is still not over her personal problems, Martin is conflicted over whether or not to believe Jack or stand by his wife who seems to not be all “there” at the moment, and then there is Jack, the mysterious “soldier” who cannot be trusted. Of course, in the end we find out what was really going on in the form of a clever twist that did not come out of left field but I did not see it coming either, ending a great and well-written story.

Carl Tibbetts serves as the film’s director, and I must say that he did a fine job with this being his first directing and writing effort. The locations and sets used were used very well to establish a gloomy atmosphere very reminiscent of the story, and despite the film never rarely leaving the cabin I never once found myself bored over the lack of “movement” in locations. His execution of the conflict was very effective and left me bewildered that this experience came from a first-timer, although the great acting performances from all involved definitely helped sell every for of conflict. This being more of a thriller means there is not much blood or gore, but the kill sequences were worthwhile despite their simple nature, and most importantly they were executed in shocking fashion both by this novice director and by the film’s two novice writers, one of whom also just so happens to be Carl Tibbets.

Overall, Retreat is a great horror/thriller that provides a creative and engaging storyline heavy in conflict and suspense. The film does move slow at times and may not deliver the action some desire, but in the end it makes for a good slow-burning experience that I recommend to those who enjoy such flicks.

Rating: 7/10

Director – Barbara Brancaccio, Joshua Zeman

Cast – As Themselves

Release Year – 2009

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Cropsey was a very interesting experience for me because it marked the first time I viewed a documentary horror film based on REAL events.  The object is not so much to scare the viewer as it is to make us aware of an engaging and creepy set of crimes that plagued a community for decades, and thanks to good execution I found this horror-docu to be a very worthwhile effort that I recommend to you.

Throughout their childhood Zach and Barbara were bombarded with tales of a grisly killer named Cropsy, a man who lurked in the woods and killed children who wandered away from home.  Eventually five children from a single community near “Cropsy’s woods” went missing over the years, and Zach and Barbara investigate into whether or not the man charged with the crimes is the Cropsey that plagued their nightmares years ago.

At first I was not sure whether or not what I was seeing was fictional or in fact a telling of a real crime, and sure enough I was pleased to see that for once we were given real events.  Real events tend to make a story scarier (so long as it really is scary) due to the fact that it shows such acts could really happen to anyone, anywhere, and while I never found this story scary it did provide some decent creep and lots of engaging material.  It never really felt like a “movie” but actually did come off with a documentary feel and used real archive footage to sell its point.  The film may bring back painful memories for those who resided in Staten Island, New York during the series of child disappearances and the eventual trial of their alleged kidnapper, Andre Rand.  On another note, it may also bring back memories for fans of the 1981 horror classic, The Burning, whose antagonist was also named Cropsey and started off as an urban legend that was all-too-real for his victims.  Conveniently, Andre Rand was a very creepy and psychotic looking man, and his appearances helped bring on the creepiness provided in the film.  Did he do it?  That is the question and focus of this piece, which not only shows how the media can depict someone as guilty with no physical evidence, and how impulsive and emotional behavior leads a community on a hunt for justice at any cost, but aims to find a link between Andre Rand and the urban legend of Staten Island, Cropsy.

Overall, Cropsey is a positive documentary that for once actually gives us a real documentary into horrific events.  The horror is not outright and lies mostly in the actions of the purposed “Cropsey”, but despite that this effort comes well written and well executed to make for an engaging and worthwhile experience.

Rating: 7/10