John of the Dead's Horror Flick Reviews

Director – Gus Trikonis

Cast – Richard Crenna, Joanna Pettet, Andrew Prine, Cassie Yates, George O’Hanlon Jr., Lynne Moody, Mary Louise Weller, Robert Viharo, Victor Buono

Release Year – 1978

Reviewed by John of the Dead

My recent search for more haunted house films lead me to The Evil after watching the awesome  supernatural flick Superstition, both of which were produced by Ed Carlin.  I had heard of The Evil previously but always had a very hard time getting a hold of this rare film given most copies are on VHS, but sure enough my time came and I took the opportunity with the biggest grin I could display across my sometimes-handsome face.  Haunted house films have always been a favorite of mine, so naturally I really wanted to enjoy The Evil, and I am glad to say that this piece was as good as I expected/wanted it to be.  The atmosphere is great and despite a low budget there is no shortage of good horror and scares, making for a very worthwhile haunted house film that has remained off the radar for decades.

After purchasing an old mansion, CJ and Caroline Arnold invite their psychology group to join them in cleaning up the home and making it livable.  Soon after entering the old Vargas Mansion Caroline begins to suffer what appear to be haunting delusions, but soon enough the true evil residing within the home will manifest itself and wreak havoc on all who have stepped foot in the plagued estate.

I don’t care when it was made, a haunted house film will always intrigue me because it allows me to envelop myself given I have been fortunate enough to reside in a home my entire life and can imagine my own home suffering the hauntings in the films.  So long as you get a few essentials right, like atmosphere and scares, then you can pretty much tell any haunted house story and come away with a good flick, and The Evil gave us atmosphere, scares, and more.  Writers Galen Thompson and Gus Trikonis did a swell job giving us an engaging storyline that while employing the usual haunted house template still managed to keep my attention throughout.  For starters we are given an awesome opening sequence taking up the first 10 or so minutes of the film, drawing out the tension and giving us a taste of the great horror that would soon erupt as the story continued.  I loved the idea of the Arnolds buying the home and bringing their friends over given I am a big fan of haunted house films where the new homeowners take on a home with a dark past that they had no idea of, and of course suffer the horrific consequences of their decision.  The Arnolds bringing their friends over just provided more characters to be killed off by the evil force in the home, and I was very glad to see that we were given many memorable kill sequences in this story – a big reason behind why I never once looked away from this piece.  Some of the kill sequences were not as gruesome as you may want them to be, but considering the low budget I was very happy to see a good number of kills period.  The majority of the film plays off of our characters slowly succumbing to the evil force around them, eventually finding themselves barricaded within the home and forced to fend off an attacker that can take on many killing forms.  The low budget also results in some “what you don’t see is scary” horror, which I never balk at given it comes with its own spookiness that I enjoy and respect.  Naturally there are faults with most horror films, and while this one did not have any major ones I did find some fault during the final sequence.  The final sequence was a bit silly and came seemingly out of nowhere, and according to what I have read there was an alternate version shot to alleviate the complaints regarding the scene in question, but the version I saw was not the re-edited one and regardless I was very pleased with the end result.

Co-writer Gus Trikonis also served as the film’s director, and I must applaud him for doing a lot with what little he had to work with.  His atmosphere and sets are excellent and provided a great background for the film’s numerous spooks, and his execution of the horror itself was great and shot in a very full-frontal and shocking manner.  We are not given much as far as gore goes, but the kills were still enjoyable and actually came with pretty good special FX for the time the film was released.  The acting performances are standard for 70s horror films, and each of the numerous actors involved sold their roles and played their part in this great haunted house film that I found so darn enjoyable.

Overall, The Evil is a great and vastly under-appreciated haunted house film that despite a very low budget still managed to deliver a good story, awesome kills, and good spooks.

Rating: 7/10

Director – James W. Robertson

Cast – James Houghton, Albert Salmi, Lynn Carlin, Larry Pennell, Jacquelyn Hyde, Robert Symonds, Heidi Bohay, Maylo McCaslin, Carole Goldman, Stacy Keach Sr., Kim Marie, Billy Jane

Release Year – 1985 (USA)

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Films like Superstition give me hope that there are still numerous great horror films from decades ago that have yet to receive their light of day. I had never heard of this film before viewing it, but after reading the storyline I dove into this experience with hopes of coming out satisfied, and very satisfied I was (Yoda talk). The 1980s gave us all sorts of awesome horror experiences in various sub-genres; like slashers, creature features, and one of my personal favorites…the supernatural tale. With a story so simple yet so well executed with good spooks and awesome kills, Superstition is one of my favorite 80s horror films to date, and a truly under-appreciated one that deserves your attention.

When strange murders begin plaguing an old home now owned by a local parish to provide a home for the unfortunate, Rev. David Thompson tries desperately to save the home from being demolished by a local detective. With the authorities looking for a physical person as the perpetrator of the murders, Rev. Thompson soon discovers that the home was the sight of a witch’s execution three hundred years earlier, and she is back for revenge.

I knew from the get-go that I was going to enjoy this one after its incredible 10 minute opening sequence, a sequence that took its time developing and gave me a preview of what the rest of the film would consist of: good spooks and good kills. The majority of the story consists of Rev. Thompson trying to get to the bottom of the murders, both with the help and hinderance of local law enforcement who would prefer to just tear the place down given the bad omens they believe it has brought the town given its swimming pond is often used by skinny-dippers. Of course, there are more heinous murders occurring during this investigation, which ultimately explodes into a highly tense third act when the Rev. learns of the home’s history in which its pond was used as a witch’s execution site. I never once found myself bored during this piece, thanks much to its awesome storyline that fed me with plenty of enjoyable kills and a satisfying mystery/investigative element.

Director James W. Roberson did a great job with this piece, giving us the most he could with such a minute budget. His atmosphere was dead-on creepy with his low-lighting and excellent usage of the sets and locations employed. It was his atmosphere that made this flick such a creepy watch, and he complimented that with great execution of the kill sequences as well. I loved that nothing was held back with the kills, giving us good gore and plenty of scenes involving awesome dismemberment, all done with a low budget that I have seen force other directors to heavily edit the kills, but not Roberson in this case. The acting performances were so-so and good enough, and nearly every other element of the film was directed well enough that it did not detriment from the film at all. Sure there are flaws here and there with this piece, and it will not win over the hearts of non-horror fans, but in the end Roberson’s execution made for a good experience that I wish I would have seen years ago.

Overall, Superstition is an awesome 80s supernatural flick with an enjoyably engaging story and loads of horror to leave you satisfied with this spooky and gory under-appreciated effort.

Rating: 7/10

Director – Robert Harmon

Cast – Rutger Hauer, C. Thomas Howell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jeffrey DeMunn, John M. Jackson

Release Year – 1986

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Back when I used to visit www.upcominghorrormovies.com daily and read everything Fright Master had to say about everything, I learned of one of his favorite films…a 1986 classic, The Hitcher. We’ve all heard the phrases “don’t pick up hitchhikers” / “don’t talk to strangers” , and these phrases come to life in this piece and in very thrilling fashion. The horror kicks in early on and gives us an extreme cat-and-mouse game throughout the 97 minute experience, resulting in an experience that was just as enjoyable as I expected.

After naively picking up a hitchhiker who happens to be a cunning brutal serial killer, the young Jim Halsey manages to escape the killers grasp and continue his trek from Texas to California Despite his escape Jim’s dealings with the killer are far from over when he learns that the killer has not only framed him for his heinous crimes, but is hot on his trail to continue his torment of the young man.

To avoid confusion, The Hitcher ultimately spawned an unsurprising remake back in 2007, a remake that I did not watch because I had not seen the original, although reviews from others in the community indicate that the remake was not a stinker. I mentioned earlier that the film takes off right away, and that is one of the best selling points for this piece as it gives us one of the best opening sequences known to the horror genre. We are immediately thrown into the sinister plan of the thrilling hitcher, known as John Ryder, and the first 10 minutes make for the best 10 minutes of the film, which proves both good and bad considering the rest of the experience will never be as good as its introduction. Nonetheless, it does not take long before Jim once again comes across John, and from then on out we are thrown into a constantly moving story where Jim tries to rely on police help but learns that John has outsmarted him regarding that, leading Jim to now run from the police in addition to running from John himself. With no one to take his side Jim is forced to place trust is the one person who gave him a chance, a lowly diner girl named Nash(Jennifer Jason Leigh). The addition of the Nash character was useful and thankfully provided well for the story instead of detrimenting from it (as some supporting characters tend to do), although neither her nor Jim did much to outdo the real star of the film, John Ryder. Ryder was incredible in how well calculated and passively maniacal he was, leaving no living person in his path regardless of age, sex, etc., proving to be one of the better serial killers to haunt the genre despite only appearing in one film.

Director Robert Harmon(They) did a fantastic job with this piece and executed the storyline pretty much to its full potential. His great execution is made obvious to the viewer during the film’s infamous opening sequence, and from then on out he managed to keep the tension (and my attention) to high levels throughout most of the film. While the horror did not provide many on-screen kills, the ones that did appear onscreen were shocking and carried heavy weight, however most of the kills we see occur off-screen and after the fact. His execution of the actors was fantastic, with Rutger Hauer(Hobo With A Shotgun, Dracula 3D, The Rite, Batman Begins, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) stealing the show as John Hardy. Hauer’s performance was cold yet completely satisfying thanks to the charismatic yet deadly smirk that constantly appeared on his face, and his mannerisms during the kills sealed the deal in his deliverance of good horror. The surrounding performances were good enough, but none compared to Hauer as he assuredly gave us one of the most cunning serial-killers in horror history despite limited screen time.

Overall, The Hitcher is an awesome and thrilling experience of horror that gives us not only one of the best serial killers of all time but one of the best horror films of the 1980s. The tension is high and good writing and directing execution provided excellent horror and make up for what little faults the film comes with, making for a highly recommended film that I suggest you check out.

Rating: 8/10

Director – Mikkel Brænne Sandemose

Cast – Ida Marie Bakkerud, Kim S. Falck-Jørgensen, Pål Stokka, Julie Rusti, Arthur Berning, Sturla Rui, Endre Hellestveit

Release Year – 2010

Reviewed by John of the Dead

My search for good foreign slasher films lead me to the awesome Cold Prey a few years ago, and its even better sequel Cold Prey 2 continued the story, and now Cold Prey 3 is the newest addition to this Norwegian slasher series. Once again we are given the same overall storyline, but as with most latter sequels this one delves more into how the horror began. While the horror is good overall and we are given some good kills, Cold Prey 3 is definitely the lesser of the three films, and fails to live up to its predecessors in only amounting to a decent film in the end.

Set in the 1980s, we follow a group of friends camping by an abandoned hotel with a haunting past that they are fully aware of. What they expect to be a weekend of fun and good spooks turns into a sheer frightfest when the child who went missing 12 years later returns and continues the murderous onslaught he started over a decade prior.

Whenever a sequel enters the series it seems the writers find it hard to continue the same storyline over and over again, and that is when prequel storylines come about. I admit that I was pretty curious about what lead to the killer’s rampages that we witnessed in both Cold Prey and Cold Prey 2, and Cold Prey 3 seems to have answered the simplest of my questions regarding the killer’s origin, and thankfully it gave us a look into his first kills – kills that showed his knack for blood and sharp instruments. Unfortunately we are only given a short glimpse of what lead to the killer’s current hatred for visiting skiers/mountaineers, and after the first 10 minutes or so we are given the events that occurred 12 years later when the group of friends arrived by the old hotel. The rest of the film focuses on their feeble attempts to escape his wrath as he slowly kills them off, first unsuspectedly, and then when pure chaos ensues when each of the remaining friends knows of the danger surrounding them. We are given some cool kills here and there, but in comparison to the previous efforts I was pretty disappointed with the usage of our usually awesome killer. I also expected more from the characters involved, especially the group of friends (there are other characters eventually present, aside from them), as there was little conflict between them once heads started to roll. Normally social breakdown kicks in when they find themselves in a dire situation with no solution, but in this case the writer was rather bland for most of the story.

Director Mikkel Braenne Sandemose did a decent job in his debut full-length effort, giving us awesome atmosphere that took full advantage of Norway’s barren and snow-filled landscape. With the film’s enjoyable and gore-fueled opening sequence we are shown offhand that Sandernose has no intention of holding back with his direction, and it was his execution that kept the film watchable despite a dull plot. Sandernose managed to keep me engaged during the slow scenes, and thankfully his horror was worthwhile as we were once again given an awesome brooding killer who came with awesome mannerisms reminiscent of famed killers Jason Vorhees and Michael Myers. The look of this killer was great and his execution was dead-on, and thankfully he provided some good live-action gore as well, although it was fairly tame in comparison to the earlier efforts in the series. There is little I can balk at over regarding Sandernose’s direction as the acting performances were good enough and nearly every other element was executed to the same standard, showing that despite the merely decent end result it seems Sandernose may have what it takes to be a future winner in the genre.

Overall, Cold Prey 3 is a step down from its two positive predecessors thanks to a mediocre story that despite delving into the history behind the killer did not really give us anything creative or worthwhile to keep things interesting. The kills are good and the killer provides good horror for the viewer, but in the end this is a decent film at best that sadly did not live up to the standards set by the previous efforts.

Rating: 6/10

Director – Drew Goddard

Cast – Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Brian White, Amy Acker, Sigourney Weaver

Release Year – 2012

Reviewed by John of the Dead

When I first heard someone mention The Cabin in the Woods a few months ago I thought to myself, “Cool, another slasher film. I’ll check it.”, completely oblivious to just  how awesome this experience would be.  After viewing a trailer for this piece I saw that this would be much more than the usual slasher experience, but despite the trailer and hearing of praise from the critics (surprising for a horror film) I still was not prepared for what this piece had to offer.  With a supreme storyline unlike any other I have ever seen in the genre and excellent direction from a first-timer with little horror experience in other ventures, The Cabin in the Woods makes for a truly memorable and highly enjoyable experience that results in one of the best horror films I have seen in years.

Five friends embark for a weekend trip at a family member’s newly purchased cabin deep in a secluded, wooded area.  What they expected to be a weekend of fun and boozing soon turns to terror when they find themselves bombarded by unforeseen and unspeakable horrors, leading them to discover the apocalyptic truth behind the cabin in the woods.

First and foremost, because I am posting this review on release day for the film I will do my best not to expose any spoilers or plot twists.  This may force me to not go into great detail over the positives the plot offers, but trust me, you are going to thank me.

Don’t you love with you think you know a story, but instead it kicks you in the face and gives you more than you expected?  Writers Joss Whedon(writer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alien: Resurrection, Toy Story) and Drew Goddard(writer: Cloverfield, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Lost”, “Alias”) did a fantastic job writing this story, which plays off of the usual slasher-esque film involving a group of naive friends venturing off into elements outside of their comfort zone in search of a good time, only to be hacked to bits by a crazed madman.  It is obvious from the get-go that something “behind the scenes” will be going on with this slasher storyline, and I found this “behind the scenes” element to be a highly engaging factor that made this a very unique and creative storyline in a genre where creativity has been long gone.  The slasher element is not abandoned though, as Whedon and Goddard poke fun at most of the horror/slasher cliches in the book, and they do so with justification in why the cliches were used.  How did they do it?  By being brilliant, that is how.

There are have been numerous films in the genre that have employed a creepy cabin in the woods, with the most famous of them being The Evil Dead, and it was Raimi’s horror classic that lead to how our protagonists introduced the horror that plagued them.  After discovering an old dairy in the cellar of the cabin, they unknowingly unleash a horror that I never saw coming but dearly welcomed due to the brutality they brought with them.  Keep in mind that the horror going on as a result of the diary is horror that is resulting from the behind the scenes element mentioned earlier, which ultimately erupts into possibly the most horror I have seen in a film in ages.  Once the horror gets going it never relents, giving us one element of horror after another until this piece results in what I claim to be the Sucker Punch of horror films in that it literally throws EVERYTHING at us regarding the genre.  I never once thought that filmmakers could give us a horror film that blended so many different antagonists, but this writing duo did the unthinkable and threw the book at us AND finished with great results.  The kills are fantastic and come with high intensity and in surprising fashion, and for a horror film I was very impressed with the usage of our characters.  They all provided well for the story, although some less/more than others, but the five of them managed to keep me engaged throughout thanks to the awesome character play between everyone.  What I was not expected regarding our characters was the humor they provided, which came mostly from one of the protagonists and a select few other characters.  I honestly found myself laughing out loud on numerous occasions, and that occurred not only as a result of some funny dialogue but some kills that were so incredible I had to laugh out my excitement.

During the first two acts I was sold on this being a solid piece, but after the third act I realized that I had just seen one of the most enjoyable horror experiences of all time.  I really wish I could give more away on the story, but this is one story that is best viewed in theaters and not read about.

Co-writer Drew Goddard also serves as the film’s director, and also one of the film’s many surprises due to this being his first directing effort, and a damn good one at that.  From the beginning his execution makes it obvious that this is going to be a fun film that we should not take seriously, but by the end of the film you realize that despite the quirkiness and loads of humor this was a very serious and truly horrific masterpiece.  The acting performances were good, especially from Fran Kranz as Marty, the character most responsible for the film’s comic relief, but all of the actors contributed well for their roles and sold their parts positively.  Of course, the actors and their performances pale in comparison to my expectation of horror in these films, and the horror provided by Goddard’s direction was about as incredible as it gets.  His execution of every antagonist was supreme and he provided loads of gore to go along with the insane kill sequences.  The kills were executed so well that I actually jumped in my seat a few times, and I did not feel that these were cheap jump-scares but in fact scares that were just too shocking to stay still and sip my slushee without interruption.  While his execution of the entire film was great, he really sold the film to the viewer with the third act, which consisted of so many antagonists, gore, and kills that I really did not know what to do with myself, which left me in awe at how a first-timer with little horror experience (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” does not count) could have succeeded so well in the genre, but I have a good feeling that this guy has harnessed this talent for way too long and we got the talent explosion he has been dying to release (ugh, that sounds so wrong but I am not going to rephrase).

Overall, The Cabin in the Woods is one of the most enjoyable horror films I have ever seen and one of the best I have seen in the last few years.  This piece gave me everything I want to see in a horror film, but did not stop there and gave me more than I expected, MUCH more.  The horror is fantastic and consists of numerous shout-outs to pretty much every horror sub-genre there is, and with loads of gore and excellent execution this is a highly recommended piece that I suggest you check out as soon as you can.

Rating: 9/10

Director – Hideo Nakata

Cast – Hitomi Kuroki, Rio Kanno, Mirei Oguchi, Asami Mizukawa, Fumiyo Kohinata, Fu Tokui, Isao Yatsu, Shigemitsu Ogi

Release Year – 2002

Reviewed by John of the Dead

I was first exposed to the Dark Water scene when I viewed its American remake back in 2005, and while I do not remember if I really liked the film or not I knew that the original effort had garnered much praise from horror fans and has been deemed one of the absolute best Japanese horror films of all time. I cannot say that I agree about this being one of Japan’s best in regards to horror, but it really is a good film with a great story from Ringu director Hideo Nakata. Dark Water joins another 2002 effort, Ju-on: The Grudge, as two Asian horror pieces that helped in bringing Asian horror to the western part of the world, which inadvertently resulted in the American fad of remaking good Asian horror. Personally I did not enjoy this effort as much as I wanted to, but I blame that mostly on my personal preferences, and in the end I will say that Dark Water is a darn good horror effort worth a viewing for die hard Japanese horror fans.

While suffering the stresses of the custody battle for her 6 year old daughter, Yoshimi moves her and her daughter to an old but cost-efficient apartment. Things go well for Yoshimi at first, but soon the apartment begins to fall apart when a running water leak permeates her roof. The apartment is not only suffering physical damage though, and Yoshimi soon learns that the water results from a haunting past associated with the apartment.

Of course this being an Asian film there has to be some sort of vengeful ghost element right? Well, yeah, but this adaptation Koji Suzuki’s novel does not give us the typical angry ghost that some love and many love to loathe. I really enjoy storylines where someone moves into a new home and then suffers the effects of prior bad acts that occurred there, and obviously Dark Water falls into that category. There is a bit of development that takes place at first, exposing the viewer to Yoshimi’s legal struggle with her former husband who now all of a sudden wishes to have custody of the daughter he rarely saw or paid attention to, and combined with Yoshimi’s former mental issues this proves to be a volatile time for her mental state. Of course, things only worsen when her apartment begins exhibiting odd and ever-growing water stains, and her lowlife landlord doing nothing to fix the issue only further aggravates the single mother. Eventually the story moves on to the supernatural element, which involves the story of a young girl who used to live in the apartment, a young girl who leaves her belongings in the home and occasionally makes her visible presence known to Yoshimi and the viewer. Once the supernatural element kicks in we are provided with a few decent scares, but I never once found myself scared or freaked and that is one of the reasons why I did not enjoy this film as much as I expected to. In all fairness I did not see this film as one that purposely aimed to scare the hell out of you like Ringu and One Missed Call, but nonetheless I expected at least a few good jolts but nothing sufficed. Because of the type of story this is and the heavy drama provided, the story does move pretty slow and may turn off some viewers looking for a good time. Paring a slow story with a lack of scares is never a good thing, but in the end the story managed to be a good one overall, but obviously one that will take much patience.

Director Hideo Nakata did a fairly good job executing this piece, giving us his usually great atmosphere heavy in gloom and dread. The apartment location was great and played very well into the spooky atmosphere, and his execution of what little horror was provided managed to be worthwhile in the end. I mentioned earlier that there are very few scares, and while the “scare” scenes were not very scary at all I really do not blame Nakata for this but more the screenplay which called for scenes that were simply not very scary. Of course, he is not one to fail on the scare mark and managed to provide one good scare at the end (hallway scene) that I found to be the best highlight the film had to offer.

Overall, Dark Water is one of the better Asian horror movies out there thanks to great atmosphere and a slow-burning story that provides good elements of horror in a package not meant to scare you outrightly. While this is not a personal favorite of mine as I found it slow and a bit boring, this is nonetheless a great effort from one of Asian horror’s brightest minds.

Rating: 7/10

Director – Dick Maas

Cast – Huub Stapel, Egbert Jan Weeber, Madelief Blanken, Caro Lenssen, Kees Boot, Escha Tanihatu

Release Year – 2010

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Debuting in their home countries at roughly the same time, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale and Saint both gave us something we rarely see in the horror genre, a killer Santa Clause / St. Nicholas. Rare Exports stole the scene and praise of horror reviewers (including myself), and while Saint seemingly fell under the radar it is far from a bad effort. Never taking itself seriously and instead focusing on delivering a zany blood-fueled mess, Saint provided enough of the goods to make for a flawed but still enjoyable watch so long as you can forgive a little.

The St. Nicholas you learned of as a child is far from the St. Nicholas in this story, a bishop who slaughters children when there is a full moon on December 5th. Several decades after his last gory venture, St. Nicholas is back to slay the young and must be stopped by the only person aware that the legend is true, a child who survived and is now a seasoned police officer.

Saint takes off right away and throws us into the carnage resulting from St. Nicholas and his goons slashing away at the children of a small village, unknowingly leaving a single survivor, a young boy. Fast forward to present day Amsterdam and the young boy is now a police officer on the edge of retirement, however trembling in fear in anticipation of December 5th and its predicted full moon, the first time the occurrence will happen since the traumatic event he suffered as a youngster. Sadly there was no real proof to show that it was St. Nicholas who killed all of the children in the small village, so obviously no one believes the police officer, but eventually they learn he has been speaking the truth all along when St. Nicholas makes his way into town. We watch Nicholas and his thugs slay all who cross his path, both young and old, in retaliation for being burned alive by the villagers decades ago. There are two sub-plots essentially, the one involving the officer and another involving a young man thrown into the mess when his friends are hacked up in front of him. Both of the sub-plots worked well and managed to keep me engaged, however the biggest selling point of the story is St. Nicholas and all of the people he killed. This really is a simple tale consisting of St. Nick tearing people up and eventually being pursued by the authorities, and if you are in this for some fun gory kills then that should be enough for you.

Writer Dick Maas (if you remotely know Spanish you may laugh at his name like I did) also serves as the film’s director, and while his direction was so-so at time it was good enough in the end. Most importantly, his direction of the horror was great, giving us awesome kills via live-action FX and shot in hilarious fashion at that. There were times when CGI was used, and it was a bit laughable I admit, but in all fairness the scenes included shots that would have been very hard to recreate with live-action FX, so I was forgiving on that. As with many Dutch/Netherlands films the scenery is great and the cinematography is fantastic, which along with the gore made for the biggest selling points regarding Maas’ direction as everything else, positive acting performances included, took a backseat to the horror.

Overall, Saint is a fun killer-Santa effort that delivers good gore and loads of fun thanks to Maas’ heavy reliance on the horror to sell his film. The story is incredibly simple and does not offer much aside from the Santa killings, but in the end I fell Dick Maas achieved what he set out to do.

Rating: 6/10

Director – Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green, Joe Lynch

Cast – Adam Rifkin, Sara Much, Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Sean Paul Lockhart, Anton Troy, Gabby West, Adam Robitel, Thomas Colby, Joel David Moore, Kristina Klebe, Kane Hodder, Florian Klein, Matthew Temple, Laura Ortiz, Jim Ward, Silvia Moore, Melinda Y. Cohen, Richard Riehle, Corey Jones, Kaili Thorne, Brendan McReary, Ward Roberts, AJ Bowen, Sunny Lane

Release Year – 2011

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Horror anthologies are nothing new to the genre, and my love for them has left me unsatisfied at the numerous anthologies of recent day that just downright suck. Thankfully, recent horror veteran Adam Green gathered a few other horror buds and gave us one of the most fun horror films of the year in Chillerama. While pretty much every other major horror reviewer has bashed this piece I still went in hoping for a good time despite everything I had read, and I applaud Adam Green & co. for giving me a much better experience than I expected. Full of laughs, gore, and zany horror that left me laughing aloud on numerous occasions, Chillerama is a damn fun film that has received ridiculous criticism for simply giving us horror fans what we want to see.

On the closing night of the last drive-in theater in America, theater owner Cecil B. Kaufman puts forth the greatest drive-in experience of all time: a marathon of four lost prints spanning fourth decades of horror that have never before been shown to the public. As his faithful cinephiles show up en masse the films deliver the goods on the silver screen, however this will not only be the final night for the theater but for all of its moviegoers as well.

One reason why I love horror anthologies so much is that the good ones usually provide great shout-outs for horror fans to enjoy. Creepshow did it, paying homage to horror comics of the 50s and 60s, and Adam Green’s Chillerama does the same for the drive-in horror schlock-fests that used to adorn our country. One sweet thing about this piece is that each segment comes written and directed by a different person, all of whom have had something to do with the horror genre in the past. The prologue begins with a group of friends catching their last set of flicks at Kaufman’s theater, which unbeknowing to them will be serving popcorn with an additive “ingredient” supplied by a theater-worker(Ray Wise) after suffering an unfortunate accident. I really enjoyed how heavily used the prologue was, coming in for a few minutes at a time after every film shown on screen and then fully developing into a storyline of its own to close out Chillerama in epic fashion.

The first showing is “Wadzilla”, which comes from Detroit Rock City director Adam Rifkin and centers on a dorky and recently single man named Miles Munson. Miles has a problem; a recent trip to a sperm bank exposed him to the fact that he not only has a low sperm count but…he only has ONE sperm. His urologist suggests he be a test subject for a new drug not yet submitted for FDA approval that will not increase his sperm count but instead increase the strength of the sperm he has. The lonely Miles bites and takes the doctor’s offer, unknowingly setting himself up to deliver one massive “load” he never saw coming.

If you don’t get it by now, the drug Miles takes forces his one sperm to ejaculate itself from his body and grow up to gargantuan size and take over New York City. Yeah, Chillerama is about as tongue-in-cheek as it gets. This was a great way to start off the segments and throw us into the zany atmosphere that these four directors would provide, plus who has really seen a film where a giant sperm devours damn Yankees and copulates with the Statue of Liberty? Rifkin’s story is fun and his direction makes it even more fun by never taking itself seriously and giving us some laughable FX that I found tasteful despite the obvious absence of technology. This entry is tied for the worst of the film, however that does not matter much given none of the entries were unenjoyable.

Next Up: Tim Sullivan(2001 Maniacs)’s “I Was A Teenage Werebear”. This is the brightest entry in the film, a pseudo-musical about a young high school jock who suffers a bite from a wrestling classmate that turns him into a teenage werebear. Lots of crazy antics ensue as he uses his powers to fight against the clan of werebears that “turned” him and crash a high school dance to deliver pain and gore, which results in some nice anal trauma that I never saw coming but should have expected given the nature of this film. This entry ties with “Wadzilla” for me as one of the lesser entries, maybe because I do not like musicals, but Tim Sullivan managed to make this a fun and enjoyable piece with lots of laugh out scenes that I really dug.

The third entry is my favorite of the four: “The Diary of Anne Frankenstein”. Written and directed by Adam Green (Hatchet, Hatchet II, Frozen, Spiral) and starring Green favorites Joel Moore as Adolf Hitler and Kane Hodder(Friday the 13th Part 7/8/9/X, Hatchet I/II) as the monster, this is one very enjoyable piece shown in black and white as well as in the German language – well, sort of in the German language. Lots of laughs ensue due to Green’s very funny screenplay that employs Hitler fumbling German on numerous occassions as I heard the words “Boba Fet”, “Oshcoskbgosh” and “Salacius Crumb” during the film, which also came with a few good laughs provided by his usage of the other characters as well. Kane Hodder was great as usual as the brooding monster, a Jewish monster who employs a menorah and dradle as his weapons of death when things become awry.

The last entry is “Deathication”, which plays on the term “defication” giving it consists entirely of people taking explosive shits. This segment is almost a joke and plays directly into the prologue, which then itself becomes one of the segments titled “Zom B Movie”. This entry is tied with the previous one as my favorite, taking its course throughout the film then finishing the experience with a final act consisting of non-stop sex-crazed zombie action. The gore is heavy, the laughs are heavy, and the cheese reigns supreme as writer/director Joe Lynch gives us the most exciting entry in the film and the one consisting of the most overall carnage. It was only fitting to end this drive-in homage synonymously with the collapse of Kaufman’s drive-in, making for one of the most enjoyable horror films I have seen this year.

Overall, Chillerama is an awesome horror experience that gives us numerous elements of horror in four well-told and well-directed segments. Who cares what the other critics are saying, there are so many laugh-out-loud sequences and lots of gory goodness to adorn the screen, and complimented with lots of taboo antics (sperm, anal trauma, etc) that this is one experience I recommend to all horror fans who enjoy good cheese.

Rating: 8/10

Director – George Pavlou

Cast – David Dukes, Kelly Piper, Niall Toibin, Ronan Wilmot, Niall O’Brien, Hugh O’Conor, Cora Venus Lunny, Heinrich von Schellendorf

Release Year – 1986

Reviewed by John of the Dead

I first heard of Rawhead Rex years ago thanks to a review from Fright Master on www.upcominghorrormovies.com, and now I can finally say that I gave this rare effort the chance it deserved.  A creature feature from the mind of horror legend Clive Barker, this UK effort brings us a sweet story adorned with insane creature horror that makes for a very enjoyable experience for those who need their creature fix.

After being unleashed from his tomb by an unwitting farmer, Rawhead Rex is out to plague the land he once ruled with the blood of all who cross his path, unless one man who lost a child to Rawhead can stop the evil demon.

If you want cheezy creature fun then Rawhead Rex is right for you.  From the get-go we are thrown into this sweet story and Rawhead brings his carnage to screen early-on, delivering vicious kills without prejudice – women, children, no one is spared from Rawhead’s vengeance.  The majority of the first half of the film consists of Rawhead ripping up and snacking on all who come across him, as well as an investigation by an author into the local parish’s history.  When the author’s son is killed by Rawhead we are given a new vengeance theme added to the plot, and thankfully the hell continues via Rawhead’s battles with the local police force and the grieving father.  Clive Barker did a great job selling this simple film, giving us awesome religious references to Rawhead – a demonic being preceding Christ and ruling Ireland before being banished to an earthly tomb – and doing so with Barker’s usual shine regarding religious elements in horror.

Director David Pavlou did a swell job executing this piece, which surprisingly is not his first time directing a Clive Barker story as he did so with his previous 1985 film, Underworld.  The film quality is less-than-favorable compared to other films of this era, but it managed to work in Pavlou’s advantage as it provided a nice gloomy and creepy atmospheric feel to compliment the locations used.  The most important factor, Rawhead Rex, was excellence in how he was used and I loved the look of the beast.  He was just creepy and roughly 8 feet tall, but his look was still comical and provided good “fun” in his presence.  In addition to this he brought forth many awesome kill sequences that delivered good gore and many severed limbs, showing that even with a low budget you can provide good horror as long as you appropriate your money to where it matters the most: the horror – in this case the creature and subsequence gore/kill sequences.  There are other important factors to consider, like acting performances and Pavlou’s execution of other elements involved, but he did well enough in all areas and managed to do very well in the areas that matter.

Overall, Rawhead Rex is an awesome creature film that gets things right when it comes to the creature action.  The flick has suffered poor ratings from the community as a whole, which makes this one of the more underrated horror films of the 1980s that not only provides a good story (via Clive Barker) but good horror as well.  Definitely recommended to fans of cheesy creature horror.

Rating: 7/10

Director – Adam Simon, Darren Moloney

Cast – Diane Ladd, Raphael Sbarge, Jennifer Runyon, Harrison Page, Ned Bellamy, Clint Howard, Frank Novak, Ed Williams

Release Year – 1993

Reviewed by John of the Dead

Boy did I love getting my mom to rent this for me when I was a child – thanks much to my love for dinosaurs as well as a love for anything horror. After 15-plus years since my last viewing of this piece I was skeptical if I would enjoy it as much as I did back then, and I must say that my skepticism proved true. While I still possess a guilty pleasure for this creature feature, Carnosaur is definitely one of the worst yet laughably bad (sometimes a good thing) horror films I have seen in a long while.

When Diane Ladd, a brilliant yet maniacal geneticist, conjures a virus to eradicate mankind and bring back the dinosaurs, a nightwatchmen and environmentalist stand in her way of of species eradication at the hands of a carnivorous Carnosaur.

I guess I should not be too disappointed that my recent Carnosaur experience flopped – I was definitely much easier entertained as a child. From the get-go it is obvious that Carnosaur (based on a novel) is going to be far from a stellar effort, but the shotty camerawork and horrible dialogue did little to sway my opinions…at first. The storyline regarding a scientist eradicating the human race to and bringing back the dinosaurs is one that you should never take seriously, but even taking this as a cheesy “it is what it is” film I must say that Carnosaur still bombed pretty badly. Aside from mediocre-at-best characters the only real positive the film has to offer is its dino action, which comes via a mutant carnivorous reptile slowly going from embryo, to youngster, to full-blown adult by the end of the film. There are many cool kill sequences written into this piece, but in the end they were the only reason this flick achieved a poor 4-rating and nothing lower.

The film comes to us via two directors, Adam Simon, the director behind Brain Dead and a writer for The Haunting in Connecticut, and Darren Moloney, who unsurprisingly directed some soft-core after this. I mentioned earlier that the film is of an obviously low budget, but even with that knowledge I am sure you still still be surprised with how “low budget” this film really is. The acting performances are horrid and so is the execution of the actors, but what really had me laughing was how the killer dinosaur was used. I do applaud the directors for relying on live-action FX over CGI for the dinosaur, but when you have to rely on hand puppets as your dinosaur you are going to get some laughs and lose much credibility for your “work”. I was able to look past this for the most part thanks to the good gore thrown into the kills, but the giant carnosaur at the end was not enough to save the film from the earlier usage of hand puppets and a very obvious man in a dinosaur suit.

Overall, Carnivore is LULZ.

Rating: 4/10